DAY 10: Shake It Off, Shake It Off

First, I want to say I’m sorry for not posting yesterday. I made a promise that I would do at least 21 posts in 21 days of this meditation practice. It looks like I’m going to finish in 22 days instead because yes, I failed you and did not meditate yesterday. I know! Judge me if you will. I’m like a politician breaking his vows within the first 100 days, except in my case I only made it 10 (In the words of Homer Simpson, “D’oh!” ūüėĖ) In my defense, I’m going through a difficult situation in my personal life at the moment (I’m not ready to talk about it yet, but I promise I will!) and needed to have a girls’ night of champagne cocktails and seeing¬†Ingrid Goes West (which I HIGHLY recommend) to get my mind off of my ¬†self-wallowing misery. (Plus it’s dark in the movie theater and I had really bad raccoon eyes.)

It disappointed me to realize that the SECOND things got a little rough I dropped my meditation practice faster than I drop $100 at a Vegas crap table. But it is what it is, so I decided to wake up this morning and get back on the saddle with renewed determination and vigor.

And I’m so glad I did. Today’s centering thought is, “Now is my time” and focuses around passion. Oprah describes passion as the power and joy that gets sparked by being in the present moment. It’s being excited to get up for each day, having faith in the unknown, eager to embrace anything that comes your way. But the thing that stood out to me the most was that passion is LOVING THE JOURNEY.

This idea of loving the journey has always been difficult for me. I want it all NOW. I want to book a television gig NOW. Screw class and marketing and enjoying the experiences. I’m like a 3 year old throwing a tantrum in the candy aisle at the grocery store. “Give me what I want now or I’ll NEVER be happy!” I’m a very type A personality so I have it all planned out in my head how it SHOULD be. I should be happily married by now, working on a TV show, traveling the world, and driving a pale yellow Mercedes AMG GT Roadster (all of which I’ve carefully pasted onto my vision board.)

Deepak points out that it’s common to keep our eyes on the horizon in our quest to succeed, but then we’re always focused on the destination, striving for what’s just out of reach. By doing this we miss half of our lives. We don’t notice the really beautiful yellow flowers as we’re running around the block because we’re lost in our thoughts about how to best schedule our week. Or notice the adorable puppy I almost stepped on today at work because I was pissed someone asked me to call upstairs about vegan cheesecake.

The fact is we can never 100 percent know where we are going and how everything will turn out. And the times I have tried to force things to go a specific way, they haven’t always worked out in my favor. I forced a relationship with my ex fianc√© (I knew he wasn’t right for me but really thought it was time I get married) and it blew up in my face. I’ve forced certain writing situations (there’s a notorious smooth talker who frequents the hotel that promised to finance my pilot) and despite my intuition telling me it’s not a good idea to get into business with this person, I pushed ahead and was disappointed. So maybe it is time I just relaxed a little, focused on my craft, and left the timing up to God and the mysterious ways of His universe. I mean, I wanted a papasan chair ever since I was 13 and I just got one as a gift from my parents this past Christmas at 33. It took 20 years, but hey, I got it. And to be honest, it was at the perfect time.

My favorite thing that Deepak says in today’s meditation is that we must find peace and love in our life’s journey as if we are dancing with a partner. Drink in the music and trust the movement of your partner. We must embrace life’s rhythm and become absorbed in the wonder of the device. Which is prefect because one of my favorite forms of self therapy is dancing like an idiot in my bedroom. I put a record on and just jump around. I distinctly remember a pivotal moment in recovering from my life blowing up 5 years ago. (Go back and read “Who am I?) I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom, generally feeling sorry for myself, when Florence and the Machine’s¬†Shake it off started playing on my iTunes. I literally got up, cried like a lunatic, and Shook. That. Shit. Off. All of it. ¬†The relationship, the pain over my cat, and my self doubt until I had the biggest smile on my face and was about 95 percent certain I COULD get through this. I was going to be OK.

So despite my feelings of pain today I went for a run and decided to tap into that same music therapy. My current favorite is Play That Song by Train. I also love Overcome by New Politics. Then I turned on my oldie but goodie Shake It Off by Florence and the Machine and I just ran. By the end of my run I did feel more optimistic. I also felt a little wary that my neighbors thought I was insane when I realized I had been singing along very loudly with my head phones still on.

But I decided that I am strong. I have survived no matter what, and will continue to do so. I decided to affirm that something wonderful is waiting around the bend. And I hope you find your own song to jump around like an idiot to because it’s more fun to be here now. So life, let’s dance! I’ve never been the best follower but this time I think I’ll let you and God take the lead. Because God knows I could use some new direction.

And so it is.

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